Upon the onset of my divorce over nine years ago, I moved to a nice condominium in a great area in Miami that is full of restaurants, cafes, and shops I could walk to. Suddenly, I was alone for the very first time in my life.
I woke up on the second day there and I felt the silence. Can silence be felt? No, it wasn’t the silence…it was that there was no one there. My children were not there; the housekeeper that used to come several times a week was not coming; the gardener was not making noise; the mailman was not going to wave hello; the dreaded handyman was not going to be needed anytime soon; and yes, even my ex-husband…who had been my companion for good or bad for about three decades, wasn’t there any longer. I was completely alone and deciding and doing only for me for the very first time ever. It felt odd…very odd.
I called a good friend because I think that I needed to hear a human voice. Perceptibly, my friend asks, “How do you feel?”; and I say that I’m okay but that it felt odd.
It was like starting a new job. That odd feeling that you might not belong in that new office…that feeling that you must find your place in that existing organization. It’s always a challenge to weave yourself into an existing fabric. That’s how it felt. Suddenly I was in a place where no one knew me and I didn’t know anyone. Only that the only person I had to get to know was myself.
My friend says, “I hear it in your voice…why don’t you put on some music?… or turn on the TV?” Funny how it had not occurred to me…it wasn’t something I usually did. I followed her advice because I knew she was right.
Music came on and it was all suddenly okay. It calmed me, it filled me, it saddened me, it made me sing, and it also made me dance.
I realized that I had missed it. I used to always play music when I was growing up…record after record… yes those vinyl records that eventually were too scratched to play anymore. I also played my guitar all the time; but at some point I had given all that up. There just had been no time or space for it. We women tend to do this to ourselves…we forget sometimes who we are. Well, I had time now. It felt like I was finding myself again.
It can be said that I danced and sang my way into this new me. Or was it just the true me? I think so; I think that the person that I had always been deep inside emerged slowly into existence once again. That was the beginning of my new life.
Now there is always music in my house…it’s the first thing I do now when I wake up. Even before making my coffee.
I must say that it’s great that I can carry my full music library with me wherever I go…and play it at will. However, I do miss those scratched up vinyl records!
Let the music play😊
