“You will be just fine…”
This wasn’t the first time I had been told this by a man.
And I thought …“how do you know I will be?…” and then, “well yes…but what choice do I have?…
And I responded…
“Yes, I find I usually am. And I better be!…since it seems that I’ve had to take care of myself and others all of my life. No one takes care of me EVER🥲🤷♀️ Next life!😂
Ookayyy… What was that? Where was that coming from?
And why did I write all that?
I’m sure that the guy on the other end meant well and nothing by it; and yet, I don’t know why I said all that.
It was way too much and also unnecessary information considering the nature of the conversation that had preceded it. So perhaps, I just needed to let it out.
And then the tears began to pour out…and I couldn’t stop them.
Yes, I cried. What the heck?!
All this was happening in a camera shop and in the middle of the day. To say that the guy helping me behind the counter was confused, would be an understatement. Poor guy!
I was confused too! It was definitely a strange reaction. The truth is that I continued crying for the next two days… on and off.
It was clear that that phrase had hit a nerve and that more was going on here that met the eye…it was like if something was shifting inside of me.
There is one scene during the last episode of The Morning Show series on Apple TV (aired Oct 18, 2023), in which the star anchorwoman (Jennifer Aniston), is at a loss when her new love interest Paul Marks (sort of an Elon Musk version), insists on making her breakfast and taking care of her.
She actually had trouble accepting it…because it was so foreign to her. I understood it. I identified with the situation…as I’m sure many women and probably men do as well.
I realize that there is a feeling buried within me that wants to surface. That feeling is surfacing whether I want it or not. However, when I say a feeling, I believe I’m really talking about a deep-rooted wish.
A wish to be able to show vulnerability sometimes. Not to be seen as a superwoman that can do anything and everything for and by herself.
I do think that people confuse strength with invincibility and or lack of vulnerability.
Here is the discrepancy:
I also realize that I tend to view the showing of vulnerability as a “strength” in others, but as a “weakness” in myself.
That is the “beautiful-mess effect”. That is what researchers in the subject call this discrepancy. So it seems that I’m not alone in this.
The fact is that I am an independent, capable, and decisive woman; but it doesn’t follow that I don’t also need comforting and protection; or that it wouldn’t feel great to be offered a helping hand. What I mean to say is that it would be lovely to be the “receiver” instead of the “giver”…once in a while.
Yes…I admit it. For a change, I would love to meet the man that wants to take care of me as much as I want to take care of him. The man that feels that primal instinct to protect (almost extinct), and to offer the sun and stars to the woman in his life.
Oh well …
I’m willing to bet that even WonderWoman would love that. 😉
