This is me at the moment of making the same bad decision…only this time I’m better prepared!
It seems that I must fall in the hole several times before I learn to walk around it. Sounds idiotic but it’s true.
Years ago I read a poem written by Portia Nelson called “There’s a Hole In My Sidewalk”. That poem struck a cord within me in a big way. Why? Simply because it felt familiar.
It’s about human behavior and how the world works. It seems that the same lesson will present itself over and over again in each of our lives until we learn it. I’m thinking that if I don’t learn my lesson in this lifetime, it will follow me to the next. Therefore I feel an urgency to learn my lessons. If this is true, I don’t want to have to do it all over again in my next life!
I find myself learning different lessons…or at least I think so. It may turn out to be the same ones in different ways. It’s about speaking up and not settling for less than I want and deserve. The good thing is that I am very aware of it.
There’s a moment in the poem when her eyes are wide open and even though she “sees” the hole, she still falls in it…because “it’s a habit”. Yes, I can’t help myself and I may sometimes fall in again. However, I have learned how to get out; sort of like knowing where to put my foot and which rock to hold on to for leverage; and I do and will sooner rather than later. It’s a conscious decision now. The point is to be able to recognize and walk away if the situation is not making me happy.
Some day I will get to the point where not only do I see the blasted hole…but when I do, I immediately walk around it.
One can only hope!
