“Don’t Worry. I Don’t Take It Personally”.
Years ago I read the well known book written by Don Miguel Ruiz called “The Four Agreements”. This book is a guide on how to live life by following four basic rules.
The second agreement says, “Do not to take anything that happens to you personally”.
Throughout the years, I have come to realize that this is very challenging for me. If I’m not fully aware, I may react emotionally before I know it. About this subject, Vincent Van Gogh said, “Let’s not forget that the little emotions are the great captains of our lives and we obey them without realizing it”.
In order to master that agreement, I believe everything must go through a filter. The filter of understanding. Whenever someone does something that makes me feel bad, accused, or passed over, the first instinct is to either lash out, defend myself, offer explanation, and or feel hurt, unloved, and misunderstood. I do know that these feelings happen because I am letting my ego self, my primitive side, captain the ship. I also know that if I take command, and look at it from the realm of compassion and understanding for the perpetrator, everything takes on a different meaning.
Effectively, I change my perspective; and in doing so, I am able to see things from a different angle, see beyond the action, and see what is behind it. I try to be careful with my words as well. Words are very powerful… and cannot be taken back. I think or say something like, “It is interesting that you feel that way…” or “It is interesting that you said that…”, it buys me time and forces me to look for what is interesting about it.
I have found it interesting that it is never about me. It is always about them. What I may have perceived as a personal affront, is simply the way they hear things from where they stand in their mind. It is always about the way they are feeling, hurts they are carrying, and complexes they are dealing with. Even if they love me dearly. Sometimes, other past events, even if misunderstood, will leave a scar and trigger the new event. It is truly fascinating how the human minds works.
In no way is this easy to do. My primitive side is always fighting to take over. It’s like the fright and flight impulse. I must put myself in a higher state of consciousness to be able to discern correctly every time. However, I can unequivocally say that many a friendship and or relationship has been saved because of it.
There is no doubt that there are some characters in my life that trigger these little emotions more than others. Therefore, if I’m not able to get myself into higher consciousness when I’m around them… there will be trouble!
Nevertheless, I continue striving to get it right and to the point when it becomes second nature to me. I’m hopeful that I’m almost there! I’ve chosen to look at it like as if it’s a sport and just practice, practice, and practice!
