I try to live according to the four simple rules as described in The Four Agreements. This is a powerful little book written by Don Miguel Ruiz after having having survived a near death experience. The four agreements seem to me to be commandments for the Self.
The third agreement says this:
Don’t Make Assumptions
That’s right! Be unassuming. Do not presume to assume!
I don’t know about you; but whenever I make an assumption about anyone or anything, it usually comes back to bite me. In fact, it also breaks the first two agreements; which are to always be careful with your words and don’t take anything personally.
Why is it so difficult to ask these questions? It would save so many problems! “What do you mean by that?” ; “Why do you say that?”; “Are you saying that to bother me?”; or simply “Why would you do that?”. Instead of assuming the worst or going on a rampage. Believe it not, when we do that, we then make the other person feel bad and worse…frustratingly misunderstood. We create havoc for no reason.
I find that we have the tendency to jump to conclusions. It is true that we interpret and perceive actions and statements from where we stand emotionally. The problem with this is that our assessment will be most likely colored by past experiences and decisions that may or may not have anything to do with the present set of circumstances.
Experience has taught me that people will interpret what they hear according to their personal hang ups, complexes, fears, paranoias, and shortcomings. A simple factual comment might be perceived as a personal affront…simply because it hits close to home… and “they don’t want to hear it”. Even if it is just the truth.
When that happens I feel like saying… “Listen Buddy…don’t make assumptions…it wasn’t meant as an attack or to bother you…I was just stating a fact.” However, even if I do, it will usually be twisted to fit their personal soapbox…they simply don’t want to hear it, face it, accept it, because that is how they see it from where they sit.
Assumptions are dangerous and have a life of their own…sort of like illusions. Actually, if one comes to think about it, an illusion is an assumption that something is true when it isn’t.
Yes that’s right…it’s true that when you “ass-u-me”, you will make an ass of you and of me!
I sincerely believe this agreement to be so powerful, that when you put it into action, it will completely transform your life.
I assume you will! 😂
