Why the big fuss about being alone? I don’t get it…but I believe I know where it comes from.
If you think about it, it’s hard to be alone even when you want to be. I particularly recall one time when during a hike in a mountain in Colorado, I suddenly had to pee. Yes… I wished I hadn’t had that last cup of coffee. I figured it would be easy to find a spot to relieve myself… after all I’m in a mountain by myself. Well…it wasn’t so easy. Whenever I would find somewhere…someone happened to come by. This went on for a while! I finally chose a spot very far away from the trail… it was such a relief! However, after I was done, I turned around and saw a guy not too far away coming from behind another tree. Probably peeing himself…I thought…he has to have seen my b…!
I travel alone quite a lot. Mainly because I like to write and photograph, and these two occupations are best done alone. However, I must say that I’m seldom alone. Not necessarily in the “romantic” sense but in the “just company” sense. I have found that one is very approachable when one is alone. People will talk to you.
The point is that we are hardly ever alone. Even if you live alone, there is always someone knocking or delivering something. Sometimes I want to lay naked in the sun and tan all over…I’ve only been able to do it once! And even then I felt kind of stressed…what if the guy that reads the electric meter decides to come at that moment?
The reality is that as social beings, we are programmed to believe that we have to be “in a relationship” to be happy or to feel complete. The truth is that nothing can be further from the truth!
There is a societal component to the expectation of being a pair. I once saw the film called “The Lobster”. This film blew my mind! It is a satire and a commentary on precisely this subject. Imagine that there is a law that makes it illegal to be single. Police could stop people at will and ask for documentation proof that you are married or paired up. If you are found to be in non-compliance or “single”, they would then take you to a sort of “rehabilitation resort” where you were given 45 days to find a mate. At check in, you were asked to “choose” an animal that you would like to become in case you failed. Yes…if you failed to pair up, they would put you in a machine that would then convert you into an animal. The protagonist chose a Lobster… ergo the title of the movie. Basically, if you are single, then it follows that you might as well be an animal. Wow…few films have given me so much to think about. The frustrating part is that no one else I know grasped it like I did; so I haven’t been able to have a true discussion about it with anyone.
It was an obviously exaggerated commentary on society but it has an element of truth. Once I said to my mother, “Why do you worry so much that I’m alone? I am perfectly fine and free to do whatever I want”… she only said “I know… it’s just that all I see is couples everywhere”. I know that she also thinks that I would be more protected or safe if I was with a partner. Well, she is a mother and from a different era. I can understand.
Perhaps, people in general believe (because it’s part of the programming) that you could not possibly be happy if you are not in a relationship. I even believe they may utter the words “Oh poor thing, she is alone…it’s hard to find a man”…oh boy… they are so wrong. I challenge any of my paired up friends to live the life I’m living. I am free to do as I please, when I please, how I please. I don’t have to put up with any crap, cater to anyone, be annoyed, or be bored out of my mind. Romance always manages to come my way even if I don’t look for it. I have plenty of friends, I’m full of health and energy, my children are grown and do not need me, I travel every chance I get, and new adventures are always around the corner. I am and feel very blessed. What is so sad about that?
As a matter of fact, I can honestly say that the only times, as an adult, that I remember feeling completely at peace and just happy to be, has been those times that I was completely free of any romantic attachment, free of any feeling of expectation. I have written before about that in my post titled “To Be Utterly Free”. It was a very empowering and awesome time in my life.
This is not to say that I don’t want the fairytale. I do sometimes dream about that elusive perfect relationship. Waking up with the love of my life. Traveling the world together. I am not sure it would be a very traditional construct because I cannot see myself living that kind of life again…but it would just be different…actually better. I want it only if it’s right. We both would have to be crazy in love with each other, compliment each other, and not clip each other’s wings. I will not compromise on that one.
It’s a fact that if I am alone is because I choose to be. I can’t help feeling that the better I know myself; the more I enjoy my own company; the more I’m proud of who I’ve become; the more I love myself, the more chances that the “right” person will come into my life. Because I’m living the life I want…because like attracts like, it stands to reason that whomever I meet along the way is living it too. Being alone really is just the place to start. Don’t you think so too?
