Because Women Are The Ones With The Balls.

It’s is rare to find a man that is so secure about himself, or so in touch with who he is, that he will actually take steps to leave an unhappy marriage. The reality is that most men prefer to leave the dirty work to their unhappy wives. In their “quest” to not be the “bad guy” in the eyes of friends and family… they end up being “the asshole” to the world. Because, at the end, everyone sees and hears everything. Apologies if it feels a bit like guy bashing…perhaps it is more like ranting; but I say this after having observed this throughout the years.

Many of my friends are divorced women. Most of them were cheated by their husbands. These men all had other “significant” women in their lives…but what did they do? Did they approach the wives and said “Listen, I love someone else and it’s not fair to you or me… so…blah blah blah”…? nope…instead they proceeded to make their wives’ lives a living hell. In some cases, they played mental games with them…like “I want a divorce” and then “No… I don’t want a divorce”. In other cases, they refused to leave the house when she asked… because it was “inconvenient”. Oh, because they weren’t ready to change their lives; but perhaps it was more because they just weren’t ready to face the music. Guys! The music will not kill you!

A friend of mine told me once that he had refused to leave his house for at least two years. I asked him; “What was it that finally made you move out?” He told me that during a fight with his wife, she asked him to move out yet again; and then he said to her that she was forcing him to live a life that he wasn’t ready for yet (because it’s all about him); to which she calmly replied, that by him staying, he was forcing her to live a life that she didn’t want to live. He then finally realized how selfish and unfair he was being and decided to move out and let her to live in peace.

One story after another… similar stories. These so-called men took their wives to the brink of shame, craziness, or desperation so that they would be the ones to either move out or kick them out. In that way, the decision was out of their hands. The interesting thing is that most of these men eventually married or are still with the “significant” other woman.

So I asked myself, why didn’t they just leave? The marriage was obviously broken. They were not happy. For sure the wives were not happy either. So why? It’s simple… men are cowards. They are insecure. They like their garage. They like their money. I’m speaking generally, of course. I know of maybe three men that have acted correctly. That have acted with respect for their wives and mother of their children.

I wasn’t one of these women. My husband didn’t cheat on me. However, I was in an unhappy dysfunctional marriage. Would he have stayed forever? I can say yes without a shadow of a doubt. I have thought about my situation many times… and have come to the conclusion that, if I had not left… I would have still have been in that guilded cage with him… seven years older and miserable. Well… like he said…he was “content”… and I simply needed more than that.

There is a saying in Spanish that goes like this: “Mejor estar solo que mal acompañado”. This translates to “It’s better to be alone than in bad company”. In my view, the worse case scenarios are those where neither one of the couple has the courage to take the step. Those people are doomed. Doomed to boredom, dysfunction, unhappiness and unfulfilled lives. It’s like they refuse to wake up. When their time comes… I wonder if they will even realize it.

I really have come to admire all the courageous women that surround me. These women all had the gumption and the self respect to break away from a life full of psychological, physical, verbal and or emotional abuse. A life of unhappy stress and toxicity. As for the men… well.. I admire those three.